Monsieur Petite Fille

Tonight the cooks decided to brush up their French.  It was a lot of absurd sayings from; the type of sayings you learn when you first start taking a language because it’s really funny – example: Je suis un anana and monsieur Jay est une petite fille.  It was an all around good time in the kitchen; as usual.

It was all but dead on the floor but we were over staffed and under patroned.  Let me say that on Friday nights all the weirdos come out of the woodwork.  They’re liberated from the four walled cubicles and decide to flock to us.  I’m fairly certain the only normal people I had were a Canadian couple and their daughter and they ended up being my last table.  I’m not saying these other people were mean or like “American Gothic” like I had Monday but they were something.

The mystery that is Ham and Cheese Omelette Man has been solved.  I had written about him and was going to post it to this entry but he deserves his own post.

Thank You :)

You know what I hate more than spam on my blog?  Getting scheduled one day and having the GM give me a transparent lie as to why.  Thank you.  I’m a big girl, I know b.s. when I hear it and that was about as rich as it gets.  That made my day, really.  Oh, no, actually working until close made my day.  I know, it gives a warning every other week about the hours we should expect to work but maybe you should have scheduled a three o’clock.  Really?  Why are you giving a server who is going to have to many hours the same time as me?  Why?  I will tell you: epic fail.  That’s why.  Tickets, scheduling… my faith in you as a leader is nonexistent at this moment in time.  Redeem yourself at the nearest kiosk or give me a refund.  If you want me to get a little comment thingy you had better start scheduling me otherwise I don’t want to hear you say a damn thing about it.  Plzkthx.

Also, who hits on a server with promises to take her to a bar (but not the fancy one)?  Really?  Classy.  I’m sure you’re going to make some woman very happy some day…  I may be young but that says nothing about my value.  Do men assume young girls are not as high maintenance?  How young and eager do you think I am?  Do you assume I’m desperate or incapable of a relationship that doesn’t revolve around short skirts and vodka?  Something has gone wrong here, terribly wrong.

At work today I’ve decided to start writing on the checks.  The computer generates our bills for us and no one actually writes on them but now I’m curious to see how much a hand written Thank You and smiley face will do.  Thus far, (though still to early to confirm) its been going well.  I’m a sucker for smiley faces and cute things like that.  Also, the words “thank you” not “thanks.”  I hate the casual word “thanks” if not meant sarcastically.  Thanks.  Sick.  It reeks of sarcasm.  Who would think “thanks” is acceptable?  I never say thanks to people in the restaurant – thank you.

And once again: expo paid for my gas for the week and nothing else.  Its something.  Whatever.

Happy Fifth of July

As much as I love the change in apron color (granted it doesn’t have pockets) and the very stylish back of house lunch lady hair net, on a Sunday, I would made more money as a server.  Direct quote: “We’re short a server today.”  What?  Excuse me?  Was this because you let everyone and their mother’s gerbil have the day off?  Was it because you failed to acknowledge that I’m not actually an expo but a server that has worked many a Sunday during the winter?  Hrm… something is amiss here.  As expo you want me to… run… food?  Run food?  Really?  Dear GM, you run food and stop messing up the tickets.  You’re doing more harm in the kitchen than good.  Gtfo.  How many orders did I f-ball?  Zero.  How many did you f-ball so that the server, not you, had to reap the benefits?  I can’t even recall the total tally.  You’ve fallen off your rocker and can’t get back on.

And another thing: don’t dictate to me, I’m working.  I don’t need you to try to hold my hand as we cross from the doors to the line.  Get out, get out, get out!

Why do guests continue to stiff servers?  You are taking into account that perhaps you had to wait to get a table which indicates there are a lot of other people besides yourself that need attention?  Should we set up a mani- and pedi-?  Perhaps a massage for you?  What would make you less irritable about having to sit on your butt in a seat and ingest calories or filter mindless conversation with your friends?  Would it be STAYING AT HOME?  …I don’t know.  If you didn’t bring the tip, you might as well.  This wasn’t even my table.

I’m reading Fight Club… that’s all I’m saying.

Ham and Cheese Omlette Man, come back to me!  I’ve missed you and fear for your health.  (Look, something chipper amidst this irritation.)

I forgot to mention how the fourth of July is the fifteenth of August.  What does that mean?  It means that despite the guise of celebration we’re not celebrating anything because there are not holidays in our world.  No holidays and no official days off unless the place burns to the ground.

Happy Fifth of July! (Because its just as special as the fourth to us.)

Superfluous

Got to hang out BoH as expo on Saturday.  No real reason to be there since they started cutting right when I arrived.  Didn’t need to fill the line except for fruit.  All-in-all, it was a pretty good use of my life.  I mean, I did get paid for minimal labor and there’s nothing easier than reading tickets and traying food.  Unfortunately, BoH was more subdued than usual, less shenanigans, though cooks did pick up a game to pass the time with the slow weekend day.  I was skeptical.  Thankfully, it hasn’t progressed to the game in Waiting.  Once it does, I fear BoH will slowly rot from the inside out and eventually vanish into some alternate dimension.  Though humidity does make me question whether I would really stick my nose up at such a game – any excuse to get naked!  …kidding?

Popped in today.  Back of House was… silent.  Smokers were out smoking, one cook on the line, and not a soul else hanging out.  Tumble weeds could have passed through, fires could have started, we could have been robbed of all the fresh bakery and no one would have known until it was to late.

You know, I didn’t take the fourth of July off because GM has been saying how everyone wants it off and its good we’re getting new people to take those shifts but did I get scheduled for it?  Nope.  Scheduled all around it but not on the fourth.  Well, hell.

Aforementioned Tribute

Today in the BoH news: A server liberated the salad from the salad station.  It hit the floor and congregated, plotting the take over of the restaurant.  It gained some spinach followers as the night progressed.  Ultimately, it was trampled and “taken care of.”  Inquiries were made but no arrests have been made.  We will return frequently to the scene to keep you updated.

Best news of the night: Baked goods.  Baked goods were mine for the taking!  And believe me, I took them.  They’re gone now…  That’s what I enjoy about closing: goods.

How many songs can be playing in one space?  The correct answer to that is three to four songs.  Why?  Because dish, cooks, and prep/bake all listen to different music (the fourth comes from FoH).  It is a smorgasboard of music.  A cornicopia of sound!  I don’t know why I’m making such a big deal out of it but it’s something that stands out BoH.  You have to walk from dish, around to the line, and sometimes you go chat with prep.  If you don’t like what’s playing you just go hang out with someone else.

What else?  Had more stuff thrown at me and was hit with a manager card.  Back of house is practically a war zone.  And if that’s that case then I was wounded in the field, yet again.  I do more damage to my hands…  I can’t even recall what I did but I just knew it hurt and fled to FoH.

There really aren’t that many adventures that go on BoH.  It’s fairly tame because everyone gets paid minimum wage and no one has to interact with people they don’t know.  It’s like the restaurant sanctuary.  We won’t even talk about what the bathroom is like.

Back of House Update

Today in the wild world of BoH I had lettuce thrown at me, was threatened with egg shells, and egg beaters can go to hell.  This and much more to come!  There was food everywhere!  Really, I’m trying to stay out of back during the summer because it just gets to warm.  I want to spend as little time in that inferno as possible.  I would have a better chance of building an igloo on the sun than in back of house.

Sun penguin?

Actually, GM had a scheduling fail for next week that I am so irate over I don’t really ever want to talk about it (aside from mentioning it to make you wonder).  This is what happens when you invite to many n00bs onto the raft after the sinking of the economic failboat.  I adore our GM, I really do but this was just bad.  I can’t even come up with any creative metaphor/words/anything other than bad.  You know the dog’s in the garbage when you can’t come up with an alternative for “bad.”

Maybe I’ll start spending more time BoH.  It’s so neglected.  Why wouldn’t I want more food thrown at me?  I don’t know.  Mystery.  Bring me the food!  Show me the food?

Back of House, I’ll do a tribute to you.  …possibly tomorrow.  Now it’s frisbee time.